Yes, we've been getting blocked since Christmas...

Fa La La, everybody!!

Dear Santa,
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children
on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and sold
sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on
the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over
several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red
crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and
who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,
which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze,
but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle
in the grocery store.
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month
of my last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint
resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television
that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a
refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can
hide to talk on the phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes,
Mommy' to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't
fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the
use of power tools.
I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting 'Don't eat in the
living room' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice
seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be
heard by the dog.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough
time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the
luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being
served in a Styrofoam container.
If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten
the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a
vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if
you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding
payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet
under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a
safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in
and dry off so you don't catch cold.
Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave
crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Always,
MOM...
P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my
children young enough to believe in Santa.
*Santa has asked that this gets passed on to all the mommies you know
Happy Holidays

I love my new home microderabrasion system!!! I just received my first Christmas present from my friend, Farside74! She game me the Artemis Woman Hom Microdermabrasion System with gem therapy and aromatherapy. Ahhhh. I've been using it on and off since Saturday. Ok, I used it Saturday, Sunday, and today and to quote my husband, Phil, "you look glowy!" Nice. My face is softer and it rocks. I love it. It comes with 5 attachments and some scrub with pure essential oils that smell like lavendar which is perfect because I use it right before bed. Paired with my Conair face steamer facial thingy, I have a spa night whenever I have an extra 15 minutes! Absolutely Fabulous. I will recommend this to everyone who asks and even some who don't! The only thing that this doesn't have is the derm who's telling me that I don't take care of my face and I need to buy more of their crap! My face feels amazing and I believe that it's because of this. It's even that time of the month and my face broke out, but after using this for a few nights, my face is as soft as my daughter's 18 month old face!

PARENT - Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way,
I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Y our job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered ,
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

This message consists of the following:

1. Bell Racing Recalls Collectible Mini Racing Helmets Due to Violation
of Lead Paint Standard
2. Child's Death Leads to Recall of Entertainment Centers by Ameriwood;
Units Can Collapse

*************************************************************

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs
Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
December 5, 2007
Release #08-112

Firm's Recall Hotline: (866) 892-6059
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Bell Racing Recalls Collectible Mini Racing Helmets Due to Violation of
Lead Paint Standard

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in
cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary
recall of the following consumer product. Consumers should stop using
recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Collectible Mini Helmets

Units: About 1,400

Importer: Bell Racing Co., of Santa Cruz, Calif.

Hazard: Surface paints on the recalled helmets contain excessive levels
of lead, violating the federal lead paint standard.

Incidents/Injuries: None reported.

Description: The recalled products are six-inch tall, collectible,
miniature helmets, modeled after helmets worn by several race car
drivers. The follow models are included in the recall: Terry Borcheller
helmet, part number 2005740; Kurt Busch helmet, part number 2001368; and
Vitor Meira helmet, part number 2001381. The part number is located on
the product's packaging with the UPC.

Manufactured in: China

Sold at: Home improvement and discount department retailers nationwide
from March 2007 through November 2007 for about $50.

Remedy: Consumers should take the recalled helmets away from young
children immediately and contact Bell Racing to receive a full refund.

Consumer Contact: For further information, contact Bell Racing toll-free
at (866) 892-6059 between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. ET Monday through Friday,
via e-mail at minireplicasrecall@bellracing.com, or visit the firm's Web
site at http://www.acprecall.com

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the
recalled products, please go to:
http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08112.html

*************************************************************

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs
Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
December 5, 2007
Release #08-114

Firm's Recall Hotline: (877) 732-8252
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Child's Death Leads to Recall of Entertainment Centers by Ameriwood;
Units Can Collapse

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In cooperation with the U.S. Consumer Product Safety
Commission (CPSC), Ameriwood Industries Inc., of Tiffin, Ohio is
voluntarily recalling about 138,000 entertainment centers.

The entertainment centers can collapse if the back panel is not secure,
posing a risk of death or serious injury to consumers.

The firm has received a report of a fatality when the entertainment
center collapsed on a 19 month old child. The firm has received three
other reports of minor injuries involving the entertainment center.

The recalled entertainment centers are black with two lower miter-framed
doors, two glass doors at the top, and CD storage racks. They measure
about 54 inches wide, 71 inches high, and 20 inches deep. They were sold
under the Ridgewood/Charleswood brand name. Model number 93956 is
printed on the instruction manual.

They were sold at mass merchandisers nationwide, including K-Mart
stores, from June 2000 through May 2005 for about $200. The
entertainment centers were manufactured in the United States.

Consumers should immediately stop using the recalled entertainment
centers and contact Ameriwood to receive a free support panel repair
kit.

For additional information, contact Ameriwood toll-free at (877)
732-8252 between 8 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. CT Monday through Friday, or visit
the firm's Web site at www.ameriwood.com

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including a picture of the
recalled product, please go to:
http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08114.html

*************************************************************

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is charged with protecting
the public from unreasonable risks of serious injury or death from more
than 15,000 types of consumer products under the agency's jurisdiction.
Deaths, injuries and property damage from consumer product incidents
cost the nation more than $700 billion annually. The CPSC is committed
to protecting consumers and families from products that pose a fire,
electrical, chemical, or mechanical hazard or can injure children. The
CPSC's work to ensure the safety of consumer products - such as toys,
cribs, power tools, cigarette lighters, and household chemicals -
contributed significantly to the 30 percent decline in the rate of
deaths and injuries associated with consumer products over the past 30
years.

To report a dangerous product or a product-related injury, call CPSC's
hotline at (800) 638-2772 or CPSC's teletypewriter at (800) 638-8270, or
visit CPSC's web site at www.cpsc.gov/talk.html. To join a CPSC email
subscription list, please go to www.cpsc.gov/cpsclist.aspx. Consumers
can obtain this release and recall information at CPSC's Web site at
www.cpsc.gov.

We traveled to Virgina via Chicago for Thanksgiving. My husband, Phil, and I took our daughter Isabelle as a lap baby. She's 18 months old.
She screamed almost the whole way to Chicago and wouldn't sit still. She kept kicking and pushing the seat in front of us and finally slept for about an hour of the 4 hour trip. Then she wriggled and cried to Richmond too.
Being at my brother and sister in-law's house was nice. They were greats hosts and we had a lot of fun. Isabelle had fun rearranging their gourds on their hearth and we all had a good time.
We came back to Seattle via New York's JFK and it sucked too! The trip from Richmond to NY was ok and Isabelle even slept for about 3 hours to start our trip back to Seattle, but then she threw up all over Phil and me and it was gross and we had to sit in it and oh, icky. She ruined my brand new shirt and we stank the whole way home!
From now on, everyone's coming to us for the holidays!